I am not the same. i swear.
I'm not like him. He never got stuck on decisions i guess.
at least i think alot and not get a decision that would hurt people.
真心 maybe...

but it just took too long..
for once i did not have paitience... we all know that. i made it known to you of all people.
but yet then i wasnt the one thinking. i knew what i wanted.

i cannot bear to let go.
can you? when things did mean so much..

but in the end, your world became mine.
but mine did not become yours'.

now with the question of worth.
is it all worth? to let go?
am i worth?

it took me 2 months closing to 3 to feel my heart again.
luckily it did not die, but what now. when i can feel again. this happens?


my karma?

Its 12 am now.. and i'm now sitting here outside my room waiting for a call that i dont think will come... but still i wait.. i hold on to things people say the most..i fear being lonely and i hate being lied to. when you say something mean it.

why u ask i'm so petty with all such small things? -- its just cuz its the small things that make you enjoy the bigger things better. I could have called you but i didnt. i would have but i didnt. but now 30 mins after starting my post, i am still waiting for a reply to even a sms.

i'm now sitting all by myself. and now i'm starting to think about appreaciation.



some how i dont know why my heart hurts abit now everytime i think of you.

i dont want to think. but i'm so just afraid that you cannot stop something that is just that natural to you.

my head hurts.

and i wont smile.

for now?

or for good?

That senseless feeling that I am feeling now,

weird as it might seem that I would want most now is what I fear most.

maybe what is good now does not seem any much so anymore

Never commit till someone convinces you to.

but when you do it just falls back on whatever you did fear.

life isnt fair, it would just take out your air.

that you need, that you'd live for to weep.

I'm not worth anytime.

Maybe what they say is right.

screw my life.

its so much easier to give up den to give in

Yet its so much easier to depend than to be independ.