life isnt meant to be like that, i'm just me,william

hmm life seems to be crumbling.. so i think i'm giving up on things that dreams made me think about. i think hope is nothing but some useless figure that people use to find encouragement. dear diary, i wonder why i was born with such a useless heart. i want to feel nothing... but it seems that i cannot... i cannot forget.. i remember that i liked a gerl once in my sec sch years.. i took like a year or more to forget her... it was horrible... i distanced myself from her so much tat we became almost strangers... i believe that now we are better...but i don think that it'll work out this way for my situation... man... i got luck for things other then myself...maybe... i'm juz made to be hated... so juz hate me... i want to be hated for life... i do not think that i can make it in life.. i'm sorry... my frens after 3 yrs u'll see a duller side of me making more mistakes than others... i think i'm too bastardy to even think well.. i think that i might be going heavily into depression but i do not think i'm going to eat to show it... juz going to keep everything inside... i'll still be the same... juz to let u guys noe that i do not tell lies... i hate ppl that do.. and i think that... i'm going to not talk that much in awhile... if i'm online, u cant see me... ok.. i'm falling for a gerl that i wish for all my life that i would not... for the very first day i deem her as a person that i should not fall for but in whole i cannot control whatever i do... i hate myself.. a moron in the making, an idiot that cant control his feelings... i am too impatient in life... maybe i really need some person to talk to to counsel me... i'm 17 this year and yet, i cannot do things on my own.. i cannot control myself... i juz wanna fall to pieces. maybe i am already, maybe, i've slipped so far away.... i really should not have entered RP man.. everything that i do here is too much for me to handle.. i think that my choices are really bad and that i believe that life is nvr meant to be this way... i really do not know what to do when everything keeps crumbling down... i am sooo messed up... everything seems so complicated.. i dont know how should i feel... i really do not wish to feel at all... feeling is hard, when things like this happens...

william

i realise that loving is really hard.. i wonder how Cliff keeps his.. bgr with denise u noe.... hmmm keeping relationships.. simple relationships are so hard already to keep... and yet.. they seem so cool together.. this week is like one of the very personal weeks... communication, we talked bout writing letters. enterprise, we talked bout blogs... hmmm... yah... juz wanna say.. i don like to tell lies ok... everything i said there was pure truth.. luckily, i didnt go up to write the love letter... i was like.. if i wrote, i'll write everything real... real... man.. everything from my heart... i think.. ya... mai was like saying.. why din u go out?? haha heng man... i SHY la!!!hahah LOL like real(eyes rolling) man.. i think i am going to break free from most of my things. i feel that i should take sometime off.. i quiting most of my commitments man.. i don wanna do things to help others man.. juz because i cannot help myself yet so i wont help others... gotta help my self before i can help others

hmmm back in sch and listening to music on the projector

Hmm… hi again… I’m really sick now… in school sniffing sneezing… man… I feel horrible… I was online yesterday.. and I met all my classmates… there was this guy a fren of mine… he insulted both SP and RP la… he’s in NP… haha so we all got together… and like the DARK side, we all planned to spamm him at once… haha it was really funny man.. haha like we kept repeating wad we were going to say and.. when it all happened… I was like laughing like mad… haha.. still cant forget it.. I was like the bloody nudger… hahah nudge like siao la… haha… den my other fren aaron came along… and we asked him to join us in our conquest. However, he backed out la… haha so (since we got blocked by our main target,) we targeted him instead… haha it was damn funny la… haha we were also pretending to act like characters in starwars hahah I was like pretending to be yodi.. yoda’s dark side…. Hahahhahaha lame right… but it was damn funny la… really u gotta be there to know wad was happening… hmmmm I really miss my secondary sch frens… haiz… they’re the greatest man… we had fun doing things… haha guess wad I think Cliff has FINALLY grown up man… he doesn’t like to make fun of ppl that much man… haiz.. I really miss my classmates… haiz.. I feel so tired bout all this stuff in sch… man.. I’m writing all this on a projected screen in my class… while hearing sing for the moment.. haha hmm… it seems like I have changed a lot since I entered Rp.. man and I don like it.. it seems tt in a shrt moment’s time I’ll be hated cuz I think my way of expressing meself is gonna make me lotsa enemies… shit la.. CLIFF… haiz… learn from u guys la… oh.. wonder where is aaron now man… did he get into any sch?? U guys noe?? I’m like in space la… so I don noe… haiz…got so many things happening in our sch…. In my class… I wonder if I can cope… cuz the things that sometime happen, seems to be out of my control and I nearly broke down in class la.. juz because of a few werds… man… haiz… wad’s becoming of me man.. too emo already… haiz… hmmm will write soon some things personal…. Cant write now… haha On the SCREEn… ooooo… Edrea… u got test right? Haha good luck la.. haha… so how’s things btwn u and me? I mean clifton la… haha hmmm I cant seem to understand wad u are writing in ur blog… sorry… haha got read.. but I need a code breaker la.. I not very Smart remember… haha hmmm yeah… thanks fer ur testi too.. I like it then too… no worries… juz America… haha freedom… haiz… life was happy then haha … ooo... got ppl coming already.. GTG!! See ya… take care u guys!!

back and down

Hey peps… sorry for not updating my blog recently. I’ve been really busy with the new net and things that really concern me to my heart. Hmmm… been really thinking about the many things that I think that I really liked… but it seems that I’m not the only one that likes that person I have in mind. fiqie… I noe that its hard to read this and for a guy like me to write a blog and let everyone see is so much more daring for me… I’m an introvert…. I don really like to talk that much… or that’s what I think though… hmmm one of my other classmate also likes her… treats her like KING u noe…. And like I’m really jealous of that la… cuz I aint that good with gerls anyway… I tend to flirt with her a lot I think… and ya… I don noe what’s gotten into me this few days…. Hmmm… and I don noe whether liking her is stilla good idea anymore… but a leopard never changes its spots and that I think for him to say he’s going to give up on her its like not going to happen… that easily… cuz I noe.. giving up is the hardest thing that one person could ever do… anyway, film ended today.. that camp la.. umm… I feel that its great to stay in sch… haha love it… juz me and the computer in the morning.. like 2… haha hmmm…. I was hoping to talk to some ppl in my camp… about personal matters like Mai… but it seems that time is really hard to come by… I din really sleep that well in the camp. I was like thinking a lot about my stuff… and like that guy in my group-ADAM- was like saying sleeping late isn’t really good for your body and said that you’ll like die younger… but hell I thing the last part in my group’s short film really relates to me… haiz…. About the heart and stuff… hmmm.. we really did well in the short film man… haha its like so so cool… although the voice acting parts weren’t that nice as we planned and that some really nice scenes that we have planned out were not filmed down due to time… but however, we really did great though. Hmmmm too bad u din go (shaf) haha u missed out on a lot… like ghaz was a great guy.. and the productions he has… I’m really impressed man… haha… Cant wait fer SA camp man.. its in june… I think… OMG the hols… haiz…haiz…haiz it seems that life is really complicated man…oh… yeah.. haha met loads of peps this week too.. haha like shafik… ummm kak ros… umm…. GHAZ… etc…. hmmmm… oh yeah… spent like a lot this week man,… bought a purse for her… and it was like… haha but its ok… din spend this much money in a long long time already… haha OH well all for her… haha Hmmm… bought it cuz she lost her levis purse la.. In the TOILET… LOL… I bet she flushed it down the toilet bowl la… haha Hmmm…. Oh… so yea… bought dinner for those ppl who went out with me.. haha 3 gerls… haha din noe that other peps also wanted to go la.. haha SORRY DILA… haha bet she can see this… haha WORDS go a long way man.. haha wrote this offline so I think that I would say that this is done way before hand…. Eh… readerss… sorry bout the sudden lag.. I require time to do loads of things…. Now… CS is still slow la… Y man..Y…. haiz… I realised that CML was the first time she was attending a CAMP la… haha no wonder she dare not to sleep la… haha…ummm… fiqie fiqie fiqie… how’s ur granny btw? Better? Discharged yet?? Hmm… how was msia? Haha got me anything? WAH LAO…. Bet u din la… haha :P

Tired, Lost, Needs New Hope, Wants What He Cant get
-Vm- hhow how how… I want to like but liking will make things obvious… and I’m scared very scared….

Its One hell week.

FIRstly, i juz wanna say that for now till the 17 of may, I do not have internet broadband. And those of u who see me online in the night is really lucky. cuz... ya u are juz lucky. MAN 5 days without bb.. this can be hell.. umm furthermore my life just became more complicated. I don think i'll be writing on why this is actually happening. HMM maybe its juz me.. but because of it, i loss alot of sleep last night... hahah.. oh yah.. i think i'll be writing some more once my bb... is here.. haha i have subscribed to the 3.5 mbps one'! haha so happy.. see yah.. next tues... haha

-vm with a 56k modem

HMM.. i BROKE MY PRomis3!!

HI there... my bored readers.. haha i got real lazy through the week and did not go on to write my blog.. ahaha sorry la.. :D thousand apologies... haha and i mean it.. i got so many things to write. Many things happened this week man.. haaha interesting things *i guess*.. haha man.. haha its been one hell of a week and now.. everything (i hope) is going the correct direction that i wish it will go...

Firstly, to start off.. monday was labourday... i wonder why is it called labour day instead of labour-free day... haha but anyway... i wrote something short for that day.. haha.. hmmm...if i am not wrong, my whole family went out on sunday to fly kites in west coast park.. haha .. i thought that i was really good man.. but it took me sometime to get the kite flying.. haha and the wind there wasnt that good too. anyway.. i was really sunburnt on tuesday..hmmm remember that ger i talked abt.. she was really hardworking on tuesday man.. everything from the powerpoint was done by her... did not know why i was in that really slack mood.. hmm but anyway i gave her great evaluations.. and it went on to tuesday... i mean wednesday.

this is the first time in this semester that we expirenced the the change in the timetable due to the holidays... haha but it seemed that we were all coping well..hmm for that day, we were doing communication.. it was weird cuz we learnt that ppl had this many ways of listening to others.. that could be expressed in the terms of animals.. hhaha.. like elephants or MONKEYS... haha... funny... i realised that our learning style in RP was really too casual.. from that day we seem to be able to communicate better... haha.. oh ya.. my class also seemed really into the futsol tournament that Rp has.. and guess wad .. i'm GK again!! wad sia... i really don wanna play... its like so much more dangerous.. (like the RAMMING) its like really scary... and like i'm really not that fit as wad i used to be... haiz... anyway.. i'll try... haha got the gloves anyway... ahaha..

thursday.. was SCIENCE!.. OH.. haha one of my classmate is now the class rep for that fac.. haha we actually saboed him.. haha cuz he cant stop looking at her.. think she's in her late 20s.. i think... haha and he's like 21... haha.. yups... we learnt bout density.. haha it was kinda tricky man...haiz.. but i guess that's learning.. haha hmmm.. ... i gained lots of insights that day anyway... haha like how much an object floats.. why does it float.. blah..blah.. blah... anyway.... DOreen

Friday was the Best day ever man.. haha i think i ACED the computing part la.. haha it was kinda really interesting as i really figured out how the programmin works.. haha in fact, i think i was the onli one that was able to answer the teacher's questions..hahah.. it seems weird man.. haha normally she was not that easy going but i think that she's getting better in attitude week by week.. haha :P.. hahah even my friends feel that way.. haha anyway.. it seems i have entered the wrong course.. haha computing seems to suit me better... haha that's wad my crush said.. haha oops... haha but she still doesnt noe la... YES Edrea... i wont scare ppl liao.. ok... haha anyway..

My fren... my holiday has a lot of problems.. haha hmmm.. seems that my problems has spreaded to her already.. haha need to help her.. hhaha eh.. if u got read till this far ah... i'll lend u my shoulder... if u need it.. haha but ahh... if u wanna cry.. better put tissue there first hor... i don want it to be too wet!! haha:P joking.. haha hope that things will turn out right for her.. hah she's a nice ger la.. hha i think... ... hmm... ya.. i'm not going out often enough le.. haha... wanna go out!!! haha with u?? haha frens la.. ok.. no intentions.. haha need a very good fren,,... haha and u don mind ppl from the other sex.. haha anyway..

my mom is really going crazy.. haha... u know MSN right.. i think she expects me to talk to guys la.. wad sia... i'm not homo la.. crazy nut case.. and guess wad.. she thinks that i'm hitting on a sec 2 cuz.. that sec2 keeps chatting to me la.. WTF!!! i don really like gers that are that young la.. PLS.. i'm not really the pedophile(think that's right) type... hello!?!?! man.. what sia.. i'm still single la.. looking and hoping to get la.. PLS!!! haha i got lots of gfs lor.. like girl-frens.. man.. if i talk to a ger means i'm hitting on her la.. mad *****... she talks to so many guys in office all day.. so she's like flirrting all over la.. >>> mad sia.... crap... irritating.. anyway.. i wish her all the best.. cuz today's mother day.. ..

and i don get it.. why is there a father's day, mother's day... wad's there to celeb about man.. u wanna show love.. u gotta show it everyday... it doesnt mean that u need to celeb it for oneday.. to show ur love,..(what bull) this ppl are juz cr8ting another day for businesses to earn a bit more cash la.. its not that they are really celebrating a good day.. haha any way.. i think i wrote pretty long for this.. post... haha:P take care ppl..

i'll be back to dominate, to overtake
-Vm

HAHA::back to school..::

man I feel like shit this morning.. muz be debz la.. haha last night send her home liao.. i feel like i was going to be sick la.. so sickening la.. haiz... now feel like vomitting.. haha maybe to the person beside me.. haha.. she don read my blog so i'm safe..MUHAHAHAHAH...(man i feel so evil)...

man i feel kinda stupid sia... on saturday i went out with my friends for a volunteering thing.. haiz.. i saw that the basketball ring was soo soo low...(so think what this stupid dumbass did) i jumped up and slammed my against the ring.. and this idiot(me) hurt his ring finger.. what a stupid person man.. haiz... and now it still hurts la... and its driving me nuts.. cant hold anythig properly.. sian... need to do work now.. haha will be writing abit later... maybe tmr.. haha .. YA... BORING..

-Vm.if u dream u'll eventually fly.

HMM.. Back after that Laborday::

HAHA.. hey been busy lately... hhaha and kinda lazy too.. into gaming soo soo much.. haha..oh well.. haha i must learn to write proper english.. it seems that i'm losing my touch with the common language... sometimes common words that i use so much i can forget. haha.. some of my taggers (ok.. maybe ONE) has said that i have not blogged for sometime... and that i'm lazy.. wah lao.. like that person aso not writing a blog la!! haha still say me lor.. haha.. oh well its been a week( maybe more) but its not very long la... haha.. ya..i like writting bout life cuz i have better things to write in my life than any other things. haha so ya.. writng bout life is great. hmm haha..

ya.. read something in the newspaper today.. its bout racial cohesion.. haha and relating to blogs. its on the home page of HOME today. i think it relates to me.. (u'll noe if i mentioned it to u) haha.. but i read on and it said that some people got into trouble when they wrote some racist issues in their blog. haha (lucky aaron and cliff don't have blogs or else they'll be in deep shit) haha.. bloody racist against malays sia.. like they got kana cursed by them like that.. haha.. to me i think i work better with many types of people. i got this bloody problem with this biatch in my group. man gotta see her for like 4 days a week man.. LUCKY next week only need to see her for 3 days.. man tell u guys something.. no one has ever made me that pissed in my life la.. i can go and break my rule of hitting a ger liao la..( HIT ah,... haha PINCHING is DIFF) haha i'll write soonn.. aha again.. mai gan jiong.. haha i'll write one.. haha

-VM