time flies and its been a week since i've posted.. havent done alot of things.. like blog skin and stuff..

i've been thinking about loads of stuff.. again.. habits dont change... i guess, with at least one person to depend on is a great thing to have.. but things tend to change. and that change always has its effect on me. No matter what.

Jie Hui has her BF to entertain.. and among Weiwei's frens' i'm not that high too.. so i cant expect too much from the both of them. Hell, i still hate my mom, the tone she uses, and now even that nick WIAm.. i've gotten rid of anything that reminded me of that gal. Not on will, but on pure knowledge that i've got to move on. smile and do that. perhaps even with a fake one.

i think kindness left me a long time ago and its time i thought about everyone else around me. but what can i do when i'm just alone, staring in space finding issues that i can talk about to other people.

my phone has hung itself for being useless, and everynight, i die in my dreams looking for the joy that i want.i guess there are alot of things that i want... and i guess that i'm getting tired of looking for it. I wont force people to talk anymore

if you guys want to talk, u can surely find me.. no matter busy or not, feeling well or not, i'll make room for those that find me. Mood or moodless, happy or sad, good or bad, i'll be around, waiting perhaps until my fone really runs dead by itself.i do light up when i see my fone light up. but my euphoria dies when i notice that it isnt who i expect.


it really feels that you dont worth a single cent when you are here. not knowing what you can do, what you should do, what can you do so that you might in someway get what you want, not knowing so many things.


but what can one do when the your world crumbled at 15.

Oh god... i'm almost 18.. please man.. i dont need a leash already.. i know my rights and wrongs!!

my sis's bf is coming back tmr.. and oh well.. what can i say she muz be happy i guess.. just real angry after not being out any later.. its just 11.30!! maybe.. ya i'm so getting to my limit.. i'll just hold on a little longer.. till my legal age perhaps. I guess what's wrong is that i dont really enjoy my time i guess. being home alone, is always too much..

So what i'm doing is that i'm going to not talk to my mother that much i guess.i'll get my scolding after that.. but perhaps i'll enjoy my life better. having too many controls is like no good one bit at all. That time i almost bought a book titled "am i a control freak" for my mom's birthday gift. but i guess i bought NOTHING instead.. perhaps u might see it as bad.. but really she's like this xray machine i have to get through everytime i go out with my friends.. but it was so much looser when i had a closer girl-friend.. she really loosened her grip on me but still there was this grip. that's why i long for a friend like that. yea.. no more close fren. means that bloody woman's grip on me is back..

its so sickening..

i want freedom...
i want a life...

looking back those few months, that long break i took, i think it was a good thing that i did not blog. I'd think that my emotions would run sky high if i did.. and it would not be a good thing. just posted an entry on my multiply site and hopefully i'll change my blog skin.. cuz i think i need something new.. but i'm not going too far.. maybe i might just use back one of those dull templates again.. it wouldnt be such a chore to look for one if i did use that. hmmm..

anyway.. i got in love and i made huge mistakes.. perhaps thinking too much when i shouldnt have.. but after all i think more.. that's why i kinda expect more things from people too. so what happened then, i've learnt i think.... havent really gotten over it but i will after having friends like Jie Hui and Wei Wei around. They've really boosted my morale; by really just sticking with me. Though i guess i wasnt that close with them, they were the ones that was the closest to me during my depression period and it was rather nice of them.

though i think i get on both of their nerves at times, I still appreciate it that they treat me so warmly.. just for your info, warmly doesnt mean gentle. they are definitely 100% not gentle. it is like one has slapped me(ego crushed) and the other has already pinched my lights out(testing my nervous system). But still as sadistic is my character is, i'd still find it nice of them to be so close.. no one really has been so warm to me.. and perhaps at times self-centered.

This year, i'd thought that i might lead my birthday (AGAIN IN THE HOLIDAYS), alone i guess i now have a wish.. HAHA and i aint saying no shit out.. cuz wishes are not gonna come true if i say it out right?

So anyway, things have happened to me and yea got a new fone after so long (21 mths).. and lost all her pictures which is perhaps a good thing too.. might help me forget her faster.. though its much bigger than my 7270, I think i can still make do with its functions from a functionless fone. yup.


The friends you chose defines who you are. and i think even though they might be gals.. abit strange yes, but i think i've kinda made two real good friends. Hopefully, i might see that there are more to come. haha but of course, i'm on a first come first basis. i treat em better i think.. haha..

hopefully, i'll continue to write.. perhaps on daily life, but i think it would be interesting going back into blogging.

cheers mates.