words seems to fail u when u need them. that's wad i've fou.nd out since secondary 3. i was falling for someone finally. i was glad that that she felt the same too. everything was going on so fine. so i thought.. puppy love was forever so nice wasnt it. we exchanged letters.. oh.. words.. FUCKINGwords what was i thinking. letters, words. caused my heart to break. i felt so horrible then. in a blink of and eye, everything was changing for me. the bright sunny days of summer turned to the ever winternights. all cold. nothing more to feel. fuckthem why did they have to do this to me? i nvr wished for this. i could have done so much better in my exams if she was still there. my nightmares were all coming true. it was terribly tearing me up from inside. burning up my soul. i tried to talk to her some what i tried. but however. who was i. nothing ever made up. everything that i scored well in disappeared. i scored so brilliantly low for that year. my parents can still ask what was wrong then. what am i. they're fucking robot? they tore me apart and yet the thought in the clearest of minds that i would continue to function properly?wearing a invisible mask in the day. in sch. crying my heart out everynight. everything felt so horrible.like my guts were all spilling out. that was one year that i'll never forget.

talking to my fren now.remembering all this pain that i feel. now how can i ever feel like that. liking someone and telling my point of view.. who am i? what's my fucking problem. i'm so fucking selfish.losing someone is really painful and nothing seem to mean anything anymore.words like clog in my throat.nothing seems to come out.this huge lump that i'm holding back.for a fren.i'm going nuts.everytime i try something.something that i hope to work.something that seems so selfish. i seem to fail. the knife that glances my heart ever so often would not sink its blunt tip into my heart.cutting myheart with its razor edges.why torture me.everytime i give up. i say why torture myself. so i give up.and i notice that that holy one from above has granted that person someone that likes.that accomplishes something that i fail to do. everytime without fail.so.so i have nothing to say. i grit my teeth. go on with life presuming that it'll be better in the future. but it seems that the future is all dark.cold.like the world that i fell into 2 years ago.oh.wait.i nvr got out. i juz imagined that the world would be better.so it seemed bright.so it seemed that i WILL be a little brighter.choking in my tears at night at times.iwonderWHYmeWHY in this fucking whole world why me.guess wad.i've never been attached. just been acting out a guy who has found love.a guy who can be talked to.who can live strong.like a sea urchin. showing off my dangerous spikes.always one the sea bed. waiting for some one to find me. but it seems that i'm too far down. too deep to be found.all the pressure outside..crushing my shell of protection..

but now... its not my problem that i need to solve. i need to help this gerl that cant seem to forget her past. she wants to.she wants to forget about him. but she keeps thinking bout him. i do not know why i would want to help her.a fren? maybe.i juz don wanna put too much faith in things that seem to fail me everytime. but i really wish to help her. but its out of my power. everything that i try.dammit i feel so freaking helpless.seemingly, this gerl is really close in behaviour of the gerl that i once liked.forget it.i think. but i'll lend her a shoulder ferst before disappearing. into the cold dark night that i love so much.that i've gotten so used to.the onli thing that i can trust to ever return to me. to be there for me. the night.the cold dark night. where my tears can choke me. can turn to ice. can make me feel ever so cold.