i feel so great... filming ended yesterday...
they were all at my house... hmm filming...then they all kinda rested on my bed...
she landed on it too... lying there... asking me to let her stay.. haha i was...
thinking bout it ... hahah BUT too bad... Hmmm when she lied on my bed... i could not ask her to get off... i don noe y... i juz.. cant... she looked so nice.. BUT... i CANNOT... i CANnOT... i juz...am not good enough for her... SOME THINGS>.. i wanna leave behind... i juz cant forget... that time...wont help me...

i am a fren type person not meant to love... i dont noe...... i'm juz not me...

yesterday... i tried to cry... i JUZ tried tried so hard... i flooded memories of my past to me.. but nothing seems to come out... but tears can come to my eyes... so fast... while typing this... juz thought that i wasnt supposed to be alive in this world man.. i think when i am alone... and when i talk to myself ...i can flood... memories hopes... believes back to me... how fond were those memories.. and now the lost hope that i still hope that it would linger around with me.. the saddest believe... that i ever wished that i could still own.. the love that i wish i still had... the times that i really wished that EVERYTHING would have gone right...those times... those painful times... those hurtful days.. werent they nice...the pain that i had gone through flooded. i really wish to have that someone to hold.. to talk to...

i think that i'll not be writing my blog for sometime.. till the time.. i feel that i have something nice to write...i feel so.. DEAD now... my heart hurts.. till now.. its numb... i dunnoe... i cant feel anymore... i FEEL no pain.. no pain of that that can hurt me like the PAST.....
this sounds so FAKE...ARGH.. headache again...i shouldnt think...