so it all begins. and so it all ends. sigh. what am i supposed to do. i trust strangers more than anyone. i can tell people that i hardly noe things that i wouldnt tell my normal frens. i'm worrying myself. i think too much?.. yeah.. i know.. but its just me.i'm just like that. i think. i'm a shithead. a jerk. a moronic asshole. a lump of junk that has been punked. the degration of himself is because he... sigh. nvrm. i'm really lost right now... how do u feel bout him? how do u feel bout me? i think i noe why i'm like this. i think i noe why i'm no good in relationships. relationships that deal with love. iJUST... i just think too much... i think... pessemisticly. i think everytime that things will never go right.. never end up my way. in which cases, it still never does.and i've begun to have such a feeling that its.. getting used to me. and i'm down everytime i think about it. life sux. i thought about it today. this morning. while eating.i was like losing my appetite so fast. damned.. hmmm victor asked me why do ppl get sick... yesterday.. and i din noe what to reply... i noe wad he meant. but i really couldnt think. too many things on my mind already. so i just replied: ppl get sick cuz they are sick. that's why ppl are sick.

sigh.its going to be his birthday this tues. so i think i'll buy him something on monday.ARGh. and i muz get those lollipops too... hmm30... 30 lollipops... think i'll get them on different days...thats like.... 15 bucks... OMg..ARgh... headache...

oh yeah... i juz remembered. my mom told me something that literally shocked me yesterday. it was this maintainence guy in the bowling alley that i frequent. he passed away. he had high fever. and ya... he just passed away.. cuz he took a cold bath... do not take a cold bath when u get a fever. u need to feel comfortable with the temperature. when u suddenly lower ur body temp. ur body wont be able to take it. and u have a high chance of dying. cuz... ya.. and u get fever cuz u... have a brain infection or it could be that ur liver is infected too... so go see a doc. if u have migrane most of the time, go see a doc too... the possibility that u have a tumour is high too.. mich has high fever now and she is still msging... that crazy gerl... tell her go rest for so long... tell her not to study... and like she just doesnt listen... IDIOT.. she doesnt know how to take care of herself.... sigh... that blooody javier passed his DISEASE to me... and now i'm sneezing like... dammit...and my brain hurts now... sigh.

thats all i'll ever do.. sigh
my life is.. sigh.
i think i'll write one letter and then.
yup... just ONE letter. should i?
cuz then everything might just leak out of me..
i juz take a bet. and i'll write.
i'll write EVERYTHING out.
everything.
and if my heart bleeds so much,
i would just disappear. disappear into the dark.
disappear into the night.
and i will not appear again.